Coping with Mother’s Day When It’s Complicated

Mother’s Day, for some, is a joyful day where mothers can be honored and celebrated. For others, Mother’s Day can bring up a range of complex emotions. No matter what feelings come up—joy, sorrow, anger, guilt, you name it—they are all valid, and deserve to be acknowledged. Mother’s Day can be difficult for a number of reasons. Losing a mother, whether it was recently or long ago, can make the day a painful reminder of the grief and loss. Additionally, being estranged from one’s mother can also bring up feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or guilt. Many are navigating trauma tied to a mother or a mother figure, whether related to childhood abuse or present toxic or abusive dynamics. For those who are currently experiencing or have experienced infertility or child loss, Mother’s Day can reopen these wounds. Lastly, complicated family dynamics, such as needing to “parent” or “mother” oneself due to a physical or emotional absence of a mother or mother figure can additionally bring up feelings of resentment, sadness, anger, confusion, and more. 

The wide range of emotional responses that may come up on Mother’s Day are all valid. It is okay to hold love and hurt at the same time. It is valid to feel anger, numbness, sadness, resentment, joy, gratitude, apathy, frustration, and any other emotion that may arise. Finding ways to cope with these feelings can look different for everyone, but below are a list of some possible gentle coping strategies to try if you are struggling:

• Set Boundaries: Permission to say no to celebrations or limit social media exposure.

• Create Your Own Ritual: A solo walk, journaling, lighting a candle, volunteering — anything meaningful to you.

• Seek Support: Talk with a therapist, support group, or trusted person who "gets it."

• Practice Self-Compassion: Affirm that your experience matters, even if it's not reflected in the dominant cultural narrative.

• Consider Writing a Letter: To a mother you’ve lost, to your younger self, or to release unspoken feelings (even if you don’t send it).

Remember, you are not alone, and your experience is valid. If this time of year feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Therapy can provide a space to process these feelings. However you spend the day — whether in grief, gratitude, distance, or quiet reflection — you deserve care and understanding.